Monday, October 29, 2007

Third Anniversary

Today, Boydee and I 'celebrated' our 3rd wedding anniversary. Yup, it's been three years but the love remains just as strong, even stronger as when we made our vows before God and our loved ones.

We celebrated a few days early by spending an overnight at Edsa Shang, thanks to Mommy Nonie and Dhia Louie. Then, today, we heard mass to thank God for putting us together and choosing us for each other.

Today, though, was coupled with such anguishing news that our celebration was dampened. We had a repeat ultrasound for baby number 2 this morning. It revealed that there was no improvement from the last ultrasound, meaning, my water therapy didn't work. The kidneys and bladder weren't visually clear based on the scan because again, there was too little fluid. This suggested that the cause of the oligohydramnios is most likely a congenital defect on the part of the baby. With that, and the fact that I could see him so clearly in the scan moving around and with a normal heartbeat literally tore my heart to pieces. And I am helpless. We are helpless.

In the same way that it was not anybody's fault that I lost most of my amniotic fluid, there is also not much we can do to have prevented it from happening, and not much we can do to 'save' the baby, for now. We were advised to go to the US because there, the baby might have a fighting chance of survival, if his organs are not in that bad of a shape. First step will be a diagnosis to conclusively determine the cause of the oligohydramnios. From then, we will decide what steps to take. I continuously pray that God will lead us to make the right choices.

Just as it is only God who can create life, only He alone can take a life, and more importantly, in this situation, save a life. No matter how much education, riches, sphere of influence we acquire in our world, we are still helpless and powerless when it comes to life and death. That power alone lies in God.

So, really, no matter who we are, what we've achieved, we can never be independent enough to live without Him. We aren't the masters of our destinies; God is. We can only bow to His will. We can only trust that He wants what is best for us. We will just have to learn to "enjoy" the ride, have faith, and be ready to deal with whatever blows are sent our way.

Today, Boydee and I dealt with one big blow - that of facing the uncertainty of our 2nd baby's fate. But as we memorialize our 3rd anniversary of love, I am grateful that God gave Boydee as my partner in facing this tough journey ahead. So, yes, we may be feeling really down now, but God always reminds me, through today, that there will always be countless more blessings He has given me. Perhaps, He will grant us a great miracle. Or perhaps not. Regardless, we submit to His will, and we thank Him for our faith. Without it, I would definitely lose my sanity.

For now, I place everything in His Hands. All in Your hands, Lord.

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