Is it hormones or pregnancy per se, or is this my baby's future feistiness manifesting itself through me? Throughout this second pregnancy, I am meaner than usual. Miss Sungit, in other words.
Just today, I felt like 'making parinig' this robust girl in the elevator who was standing right in the middle and not budging even when she saw that there were a lot more of us wanting to get in. I was almost this close to saying aloud to our staff, 'There's still space for one more (to Nelson who opted to just stay behind and wait for the next lift) but there are people here who don't want to move in." Of course, I stopped myself.
The 2nd instance was at Mercury Drug when this fat girl occupied so much space at the counter even when we were already there leaning on it. She just shoved herself in. I stepped back and tapped my fingers impatiently on the counter, feeling helpless but so wanting to make her sungit. I found my chance when I had to sign for my credit card bill. I intentionally expanded my elbow so that it seemed as if I was 'innocently' nudging her. Naturally, she moved. Hehehe...
And then, my conscience got the better of me and my guilt sinks in. Sigh... Why am I meaner this time? Waaahhhh :( I hope this doesn't mean our 2nd baby will be sungit too. Oh God forbid!!!
Looking back, I kinda think I was a sungit kid when I was much much younger, when I didn't know the value of friendship and pakisama. Being an only daughter with two brothers who got along with each other so well made me sort of a loner. But in the latter part of grade school, I realized through friends how the world could be so much better if you shared a part of your life with others. So, the Miss Congeniality in me started to blossom.
Perhaps it is ok to be sungit sometimes. As Ate Rona said, "You're pregnant! You have the most convenient excuse to be mean!" Hehehe... That said, I feel slightly better but the Dr. Jekyll in me still, thankfully, manages to win over Ms. Hyde.
Pregnant or not, excess of hormones or the lack of it, there will always be a constant struggle to be nice or to be rude, to be sweet or to be feisty, to be good or to be mean. It is our call, our inner conscience, self control and maturity that will determine what choice we take at every chance encounter we face.
In the end, if one wants to earn merits in heaven, we will always choose the harder way which is the way to goodness. Given that, there are gazillions of opportunities to earn our merits in heaven with each new day that presents itself. We just have to listen to our conscience most times.