Sunday, December 09, 2007

Back to Reality

After a month in the States, we're now back home. After a series of check ups and consultations, after a pocket vacation with Rondic and Elizza with Mommy Shalene and Boydee in Virginia (Williamsburg, Yorktown, Jamestown and Washington DC) with much thanks to Zendle and Patrick (sis and bil of Zhar) for welcoming us into their home with Tita Belle to take care of us, after a weekend trip to Las Vegas courtesy of Tita Belen at Mandalay with Mom, Roc, Randy and Stella, we are finally back in Manila.

Bric picked us up at the airport and at first, he didn't want to be carried in my arms. He would cry... And it literally tore my heart to pieces! Eventually, he warmed up and my heart was mended. I could finally hold our baby in my arms and kiss him all I wanted. He's now such a grown boy!!! He can sit up straight and crawl very fast! And my, what a noisy boy!!! He's very adamant when he wants something and would not settle until he gets it. Uh-oh, symptoms of a spoiled child? Hopefully not! Hehehe...

I just have to thank Ate Rona for taking good care of our baby while we were away and for keeping us updated with his developments through her blog which I read and re-read and checked almost daily whenever I could.

As for my pregnancy, well, our 2nd baby is still moving about in my womb. And there are times when explaining about our situation seems mechanical, just so we don't put too much emotions into an already painful plight. Fear and sadness still envelop me in my quiet moments but I am helpless to do anything. I wish I didn't have to carry our baby to full term, only to watch him slip away so soon, and for me to risk a caesarian operation again. I wish God would call our baby quietly and peacefully back into His kingdom with the slightest pain or suffering on our part. Of course, the most fervent prayer would be to have our baby survive and live a normal, healthy life. Nothing short of a miracle, but I don't want to hope and risk falling deeper into sadness. We've accepted our fate, and we've offered our baby to God. I just wish this in-between, middle state would be decided soon so life can go on and our baby will not have to suffer. And my heart wouldn't be soo torn for feeling sorry for our 2nd baby because he doesn't stand a chance on earth. I can't say sorry enough... although I know it isn't our fault. Tragedies strike sometimes. It just had to strike on us.

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