Monday, December 24, 2007

Christmas Realization

Had Christmas Mass at home at 10:30pm. While receiving Jesus in Holy Communion, I thanked Him for choosing to come down on earth to be with us. He could've chosen to be born in a palace or even the lowly inn, but He chose to be born in a humbler place - a manger. He could've chosen to be born to a wealthy family, but he chose to be a carpenter's son. He could've chosen NOT to have been born here on earth at all because He knew what fate awaited Him. He knew the road was going to be rough; He knew He had to suffer and die for us, and yet, even if He could've just passed on the cup, He took it because of His great love for us. He knew the outcome and yet He still went on His mission.

I realized in life, it isn't the destination that matters most of the time, but the path towards it. In the past few days, I would be filled with questions and would feel sorry for myself and for our baby because of the fate that awaits him. I couldn't understand why I had to carry him if he were not to survive anyway. Why did God have to let me go through this pregnancy for nothing? Why did our baby have to be formed if he would say goodbye so soon? Why endure this 'waiting' when we know the outcome already?

Tonight, my questions may not have found answers but I have taken on a different mindset. Jesus knew He was going to be born, only to die for us. With his birth came the promise of a death so cruel and painful because it was His mission to fulfill. With my second pregnancy, although the choice of having to be pregnant with a 'dying' baby was not a choice we made, it is a fact that has been given to us. With River, we know that it will only be a matter of days or even hours before God will call him to heaven but it shouldn't mean that all is for naught. God has His reasons, and even if we can not find the answers right away, I will follow Jesus' example and embrace what God has chosen as my fate, as well as that of our baby's. Again, it isn't whether we reach our destination, but the path we take to reach it. I intend to reach the finish line, that of delivering River safely out of my womb and into heaven with his baptism, bravely, and in full surrender of God's will. I will try to conquer my doubts, my fears, my sadness and just lift all to God, trusting He will watch over us all.

Happy birthday Jesus! Thank You for Your example and for giving Yourself to us. May You find a peaceful home in our hearts as You come on earth to be with us.

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