Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Cold Shoulder

My Mommy Nonie and I had an argument a few days ago when I was in Cebu. It was more of a silent assault rather than a confrontational disagreement. She gave me the cold shoulder while I tried to reach out awkwardly.

I wasn't quite sure why she got upset. I was guessing it was all about the flower farm tour that went awry. So it went on, the cold treatment, for days even up to the day I left. We were talking but not the normal warm way we talked. Those days, it was stiff and dry and she only addressed me when she really had to.

I said sorry twice for whatever I did that may have hurt her. She wasn't ready to accept the apology. On my end, it was hard to feel guilty, or at least try to, without being quite sure what to be guilty about. This is the hard part about quiet 'wars'. There's so much uncertainty and too much stress keeping things bottled inside.

While at the airport, I texted goodbye, sorry and thanked her for everything. Finally, when I got back here in Manila, she texted and gave me the reason why she was upset. I didn't quite agree with her reason. But to keep the peace, I said sorry. I also said that hopefully, IF it happens again, please do tell me so I can realize my mistake and make amends. She accepted my apologies but didn't want to discuss it anymore.

It is tough to be a parent. When I read my Mom's text, I could feel the pain she was feeling. But I also wanted to say to her that it really didn't happen that way, that she took how I reacted the wrong way. I was always the vocal child in the family while my brothers were the quieter ones. I usually voiced out my opinion and feelings, especially if I think I have a reason, and then forgive and forget about it after. End of story. Garbage in, garbage out.

But I guess, no matter how right we, children, think we are, or how 'petty' our parents may seem to be, it shouldn't give us the right to talk back, or 'scold' them. No matter how much smarter or successful we think we've become, or how outdated they seem to be, we should always treat them with utmost respect. They have raised us, sacrificed and dedicated their lives for us so that we can get to be where we are now.

So, it really didn't matter whether I was right or wrong, or whether she had a point or not, after all is said and done, I am the daughter, she is my mother; and I shall have to be the one to humble myself and say sorry.

There is no such thing as a perfect family. No such thing as a perfect parent, nor a perfect daughter. We can only strive to be the best in the roles we play. Forgive each other, humble oneself, learn, move on. There will always be arguments, mistakes, unintentional errors; but at the bottom of it all, there will always be love, because we are family.

Now that I am a parent, I can only pray that Bric will be a better child, and more importantly, that I will be a better parent.


Rona said...

{{{HUGS}}}} sorry to hear about you and tita nonie! But that's also part of who WE are as daughters. It is up to us to guess how our parents are thinking, especially our mothers. And yes, we carry the burden of responsibility when something goes wrong.

It IS hard to bite our tongue and say sorry (sheesh, I should know!) and like you, I have a HARD time doing it. Yes, we must respect our parents no matter what. But I'm also more for the fact that we can say what we feel and think no matter what, and as individuals it is OUR opinion. Parents should also accept that fact, no matter how hard it is.

Now it's just a matter of compromise.......

Pretty Woman said...

hmmmm... I got teary eyed reading your blog hahaha probably because I too am having a bit of a cold war with my mom right now about something very personal...It is extra painful to be at silent "war" (not even sure if i should call it that)with someone you love so much. I hope that we all learn from our own little experiences with silent wars.

TFS your story, i feel much better knowing that this really happens even amongst the picture perfect families.

Tight Hugs!

Elizza said...

awwwww....sorry to hear about this...i cannot imagine Tita Nonie being cold!!! She's such a SWEET person! maybe she misses you so much?
i guess we will understand them better when we reach their age or maybe when we have older kids...
better....watch brothers and sisters! haha